The Quit Thought

[geenadavis]

..Was just listening to the Coach Approach show and realize I've been having my own Quit Thought very often these days. Since I've moved, I've been feeling so overwhelmed by everything that is so new....(EVERYTHING is so NEW!) ....... And whenever i have the feeling of overwhelm, I have the Quit Thought -- ie: I'll ride out this lease and this job until the end of July (when my lease is up) and then I'll just go back home to my parent's house and sleep and watch tv for three months bc I'm so stressed out.

Here's a sampling of the thoughts that are currently "on deck" in my mind....::

"I have to stay at this job so I can pay my rent but I don't want to stay there and can't imagine myself there for another year. I can't audition while i'm there anyway, but it is pretty good money and is supporting my basic needs. I totally don't want to move back home but I think i just need a break, some time to chill out bc I am making myself crazy. I dont know how much longer i can take my apt anyway bc my sink keeps making that weird noise that wakes me up. maybe that's a sign I should take the other apartment in my bldg that just opened up even though it's a hundred bucks more, but then I may have to extend my lease and if I'm not at my job anymore how will I pay my rent? I can't bartend or serve bc I hate that more than this job and i suck at that. But then at least I could maybe keep days open for auditions. But then if I get sick i won't have health insurance and I'll have to pay out of pocket. How do people do this??? What the hell am I doing with my life?? how many freekin self help books do I have to read?? maybe i just need to give all this up. I feel so frustrated and overwhelmed. maybe i could be a life coach. but how can I help other people if I can't help myself and how can I inspire other people if I couldn't achieve my own dreams. i suck. And I can't even rmemeber the last time I bought myself something I wanted rather needed (ie: something other than food or shampoo) I wonder what I'll wind up eating for dinner tonite. peanut butter and jelly, perhaps... again. I'd really like to go out somewhere and have fun but i can't splurge on things like a drink or two with friends. ....I wonder if mark will email me again. I miss him. . . .

...that's just a sample lol...

So I can recognize that thought.... that very long run-on thought that usually goes on... and on.... and on....  by saying, Yes, There's my Quit Thought again! ...But what's after that?? how do i get beyond that?? How do I keep myself going??  

[Michael Neill]

Hey, Geena -

Once you recognize the quit thought, you are free to refocus your attention on what it is you are wanting to create. 

There are a couple of ways to do this:

1. Questions

Ask yourself questions that refocus your mind on what you want, like "What would I love to do today?"  "Where would I love to be in a month's time?"  "How would I love to feel in relation to my career?"

In the nine months between my first acting job and my second when I moved to London, I thought about quitting most days.  The question that kept me going was "If I was offered an acting job TODAY, would I be excited about taking it?"  The answer was always such a resounding yes that the next action became more attractive than quitting.


2. Action

Ultimately, consistent action conquers pretty much any goal.  If you haven't already, take on the 'Thousand Actions' experiment - to take and track 1000 actions in pursuit of your goal in one year's time.  Works out to about 3 actions a day - something that's doable even if you choose to take a job to keep the rent paid and the stomach happy.  And if you don't burn yourself out by trying to take 20 actions a day for the first few weeks, you'll find it's gently sustainable for as long as it takes.  (As a point of interest, most people start seeing results long before they reach their thousandth action...)

If, of course, you get to the point where the answer to 'what would I love to do today?' consistently has nothing to do with acting, then it might be time to follow your heart instead of your history!

love yourself and make your own luck,
michael

[vernon]

Hello geena and have to say how much i laughed when i read your post as those are exactly the thought processes i go through ! Will have a go at the 3 a day action solution sugessted by Michael and see if any breakthrough comes of it ....Keep you all posted .....

Vernon

[geenadavis]

when i ask myself "what would I love to do today?" ....I find i am consistently getting "I'd like to not go to work today" ..."I'd really like to sleep in" ..."maybe i could watch tv or a movie." ...And then I think-- that can't possibly be all i really want to do today.... That's just me in the box I'm in.. (or feel like I'm in) talking. I know somewhere inside, there's a crazy adventurous spirit in me dying to be set free.

I think I may be blocking myself in with practical thoughts-- like, when I ask myself that question, I only think of things I could possibly do based on my job and my living situation etc. If I thought outside of that, I wouldn't be here. I'd be on a riverboat cruise or at an amusement park or on a plane to someplace I've never been to do something completely exhilerating like zip lining in a costa rican rainforest. ....But I can't actually do those things today.

I just started auditioning again. ....And that process is an enjoyable one, if only for the 2 minutes i get to sing. I had an audition yesterday and I'd probably be ectastic to get a part in the chorus, if only for the fact that I wouldn't have to work in an office anymore. The thing is, I don't know if it's acting specifically that Im after anymore.... Or if I just feel like it's not attainable to the degree i would like (ie: do great spiritually based amazingly fun work and get paid wildly to do it. . .) or if I should just go in a completely new direction.

I'm at the point where there's part of me that just wants to give it up. There's part of me that is tired.  I'm not sure if it's the dream that's dying or if it's me that's dying. ..But there's a part of me that thinks about what it would be like to be on one of my favorite shows or what it would be like to have acted in one of my favorite movies and I get chills. .... but that feels so far off and I hear my inner critic saying "Yeah, RIGHT" ..."You'll never be able to do that" ... "Get REAL, Karen." ... "Who do you think you are??" "You're not pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough...You don't have enough training, money etc etc........ " And I don't know how to make that happen even if it is what I want. ...i think my biggest fear is being at a job like the one I'm at now (receptionist) forever just going on auditions til i'm 80 and never having really lived. ...And then thinking back when I'm old and wondering where my life went.

And then i wake up in the morning and think about how what I would love to do is just go back to sleep.....

So should I be taking a thousand actions in relation to acting? I dont even know what I could do for three actions besides Find Audition, Send Out Headshot, Practice Voice. ...It sometimes feels like such a waste of time and money. ...I just can't seem to find that feeling. I've come a long way in two years-- taken a lot of risks-- and I'm actually doing what I've said I've always wanted to do. ...But I can't seem to find happiness while doing it. being at this job makes me feel "less than" so often. And I try not to think of it in those terms... but it's so hard to get out of that mindset where I feel so useless and "un-smart" doing a job that requires so little of me.

[vernon]

Hi Geena

Again you have articulated my exact daily train of thought and i want to break out of it but seem unable to and often reconcile myself ,wrongly i think ( hope ? ) , that maybe thats the way i am and thats the way it is. But i do try and fight it and seek another way - which is probably how  we ended up here on this site anyway!

Vernon

[geenadavis]

Hi Vernon,

I'm really happy to know I'm not alone in this boat   

I had a voice lesson tonite.... I skipped last week bc I was "stressed out" and needed a break. And I almost didn't go tonite. . . But I was glad I did. My coach is SO wonderful and really keeps me going. I'm taking a class with Julia Cameron and The Artists Way and in our class last week she asked who we would take "to the war" with us.... I'm definitely taking my voice coach He makes me feel like I can do anything and go anywhere.

But I still have that nagging thought that I'm just not good enough. ...Won't ever be good enough-- But I know that is not really true. It's just a thought. ...It kind of reminds me of the movie A Beautiful Mind (i think michael may have mentioned this in a show), where the guy played by Russell Crowe (his name is escaping me right now... John something?...) Anywya, he has these thoughts and he fights them and fights them and fights them the whole movie... but then at the end he realizes he doesn't have to fight them. He can just let them be there. ...He doesn't have to try to get rid of them bc he can just recognize them for what they are-- figments of his imagination. . .

That's kind of how i feel about these thougts I have... they're not quite real. And I can recognize that. ...But I can't always jump into just allowing them to just be. ...I still fight. ...and I never win. ....until i let them be. I let them pass. And eventually, I come around and realize that I'm ok. And I am doing things I love and I may not be Sutton Foster just yet, but I'm on my way

This is how it starts, right?? ....It takes a monumental amount of effort to make something look effortless.

I've only been singing for 6 months... And tapping for about one and a half. I can't expect to be sammy davis overnite. I need to cut myself some slack and just keep going. ...sounds like you need the same??

would love to hear more about you. drop me a line if you like. email's in my profile.

~karen

[Tim]

Hi Karen,

I’ve just got round to reading this discussion thread and was struck by this:

I've come a long way in two years-- taken a lot of risks-- and I'm actually doing what I've said I've always wanted to do. ...But I can't seem to find happiness while doing it. being at this job makes me feel "less than" so often. And I try not to think of it in those terms... but it's so hard to get out of that mindset where I feel so useless and "un-smart" doing a job that requires so little of me.

And it sounds as though you’ve decided defer being happy until you’ve got the acting job(s) that you clearly want. And maybe if you don’t allow yourself be happy until you’ve got all the things that you want, you’ll try even harder and beat yourself up into applying for those auditions and sending out those headshots.
The fact is, as Michael points out in his book, happiness leads to success much more often than success leads to happiness.

So, just as an experiment, try this. Next time you’re working in your office, instead of thinking about how much you resent being there, think about something or someone that you love. Write it down on a post-it note to remind you, if this helps. And every time you notice your mind going off onto negative and resentful thoughts bring it back to thoughts of the things and people you love. And just notice how much more ease this brings to your day.
Now, because you’ve had more ease in your day you won’t feel too stressed out to go to your voice classes and have more energy to put into the things that will advance your acting career.

In the Sufic tradition there’s a series of wonderful teaching stories about the Mullah Nassrudin. I love these stories because they manage to be both funny and profound.
One of my favourites concerns Nassrudin who is found one night by his friends on his hands and knees under a street light. “What are you doing, Mullah?” his friends asked. “I’m looking for my keys.” He replied. So his friends got down to help him look and after 15 minutes of fruitless searching one of them asked “Are you sure you lost your keys here?” “Oh no” replies Nassrudin. “I lost them inside but there’s more light out here.”
However bright the lights outside may be the keys to your happiness are inside.

Take it easy,

Tim.

[geenadavis]

Thank you for your post, Tim.

it sounds as though you’ve decided defer being happy until you’ve got the acting job(s) that you clearly want. And maybe if you don’t allow yourself be happy until you’ve got all the things that you want, you’ll try even harder and beat yourself up into applying for those auditions and sending out those headshots.

funny you should write that. Last nite I was thinking about how I am putting off things in my life until. I feel, in a way, I am using acting as my excuse not to be living my life. ....I was writing in my journal about the things I would be doing if I weren't pursuing acting. .... I would be free to color my hair whenever I want (I can't now bc of my headshots).... I'd be free to go out and have fun with friends (I can't now bc I need to save save save).... I'd be free to book a vacation (I can't now bc I need to save save save AND I need to use my vacation and sick days for auditions ...) I'd be free to buy myself things I don't actually need (my main purchases right now are food, shampoo, TP and the like) ...If I weren't acting, I would be free to go shopping and have some fun!

And then I thought about all the pressure I'm putting on myself... I feel like I need to get something (acting-gig-wise) right away for some reason.... And my lease is up in July at which point I'll be needing to find a new place (bc I won't have a job that pays as well as the one I'm at now that I don't like if I do get a gig) ... And I won't be able to afford it anymore. . . .

Then I thought about slowing down. About what it would be like if I didn't have   to take two dance classes and a voice class every week bc I need to learn more now and fast. And I thought about having that extra money to do something with friends ... or to go see a show ... or to just give myself time to relax. And I felt more at ease.

Maybe I could take voice every other week and just one tap class per week. Maybe I could just audition when I find something I'm really jazzed about instead of trying to audition for everything. Maybe I should set my sights on soemthing new. .....I'm not really sure.

happiness leads to success much more often than success leads to happiness.

I love that.

....I find it to be very scary to stop doing what I'm doing (what I think I should be doing) in order to do something I may have more fun with. . . . . bc I keep telling myself this is what should be fun for me!! ...And to an extent it is. I just don't know if it's all there is for me. the other things I mentioned..... going out for drinks, shopping etc sound so frivolous and I feel like if I let myself do stuff like that, I'll be wasting time and money. And I'll be stuck at this job forever. . . . I'd love to put more time into singing and dancing and acting and other creative pursuits, but my job takes up most of my time. And it makes it challenging to have a life and pursue another career outside of that.

thoughts?

[Tim]

Hi Karen,

A few thoughts, really.


1.   OK, so you wonder sometimes if acting is really for you. Ask yourself:
- What is it about acting that makes you want to do all the stuff that you do to learn your craft and promote your career?
- Are there other ways to get the things that you enjoy about acting but without having to act?
- Which would you feel best about doing?
- If someone were to tell you that you never had to act again, how would you feel?

Only you can know the right thing for you but I hope these questions help to guide your thinking.

2.   When you plant a packet of seeds the flowers don’t spring up straight away. I know this is a pain when you just need those flowers, but tough! That’s the way it is. And it’s no use shouting ‘Come on, grow damn you!’ – I’ve tried. 

3.   I really recommend using Michael’s 1000 actions, just 3 a day, (posted above) to keep you moving in the right direction without driving yourself into early burn-out.


4.   How would you feel about slowing down with the classes and using the spare time and money to do something that makes you smile.


5.   And finally, it’s good to be frivolous from time to time. 


Take it easy,

Tim.