Sister Issues

[ginspiration]

I've 33 years old and have recently come home for a visit.  My older sister and I are very different people.  She has disapproved of me and my lifestyle for many years (I'm an actress and have never married).  Recently over a glass of wine she admitted that she is jealous of my freedom and has always felt "less than."  I had no idea... I had looked up to my sister growing up, but she never wanted anything to do with me.  I only come home a few times a year, but lately I've been in the area for work almost 6 weeks now. 

It seems that my sister relationship shows up in relationships with other women.  I tend to shrink when around powerful women and these women seem to abuse me verbally and disapprove of me, thinking me unfocused and unpractical.  How do I deal with these sister issues and claim my own power? 

Thank you for you help and insight.
Ginger

[realmagic]

How do you know your sister disaproves of you? Is it your own internal voice telling you this?
are you looking for evidence to support this (finding it?)  You can use the confidence you already have in other parts of your life to deal with these so called powerful women.  Being an actress and making the life you wanted I believe makes you a very powerful and confident woman indeed!!

You know you have all the resources to deal with these issues
You can use Richard Bandler's technique and visualize these women huddled together shaking at the bottom of a valley  and a forty foot black panther at the top for the valley feel yourself slip in to the pather looking through its eyes and think food

Kindest Regards
Mike.

[peter108]

Hi Ginspiration
there are a couple of things that it might be worth considering regarding what you have commented on.
As Wayne Dyer once said, when people re-act to us, it has nothing to do with us and every thing to do with them.  On a deep spiritual level you can not be responsible for how people react outwardly to you, that's their choice. We each make a decision as to what appears to be real for our us in this thing called life.
Again, how you react to that information is your choice. Do you want to buy into that persons map of the world or not and why?

How your sister feels is an internal reflection of who she is, not you. When ever we interact with the outside world, we project our own internal view on to what's out there.  As an example, to see hatred in another the person, one has to have hatred in them selves already ay some level. You can't project out ward what you don't have. If a person is only allowing them selves  to see the best in all people with a loving attitude you can not project hatred. When people despise some thing in another , it's because they recognize that trait in them selves and dislike that recognition.
By the time this information is then received by another person through their filters of distortion, deletion and generalization you will have a pretty muddled cocktail of what is happening.

When you say that your experience of older women seems to indicate to you that they abuse you, and verbally disapprove of you, how do you know this?
What would you need to see, hear or feel when your in the presence of older women to feel different to your present experiences? And how would you know this to be true for you? These are important questions you need to consider.

All problems are a matter of perspective and shifting perspectives is what changes us in the world. We can not ever be responsible for changing others, but we can take responsibility for changing ourselves. By doing this, the problems can appear to evaporate, as what was seen as a problem is no longer valid in our view of the world.

So there are two ways you could look at this.
1) See others as a problem and react accordingly, and avoid all possible situations which might appear to confirm your beliefs.
2) Change the way you perceive others and create a new reality in your life. (This sounds like a better bet to me, what do you think?)
A little bit of work in this area with some outside help from some one good should change your life quicker than you might think.


 I haven't suggested some quick fix techniques here, but rather you meditate on what I have suggested here and see what resonates true for you and go from there.

Good luck
best wishes

Peter   

[Donstar]

Hey Ginger!

I am curious, what is it about these women that makes you want to 'shrink'? 

You have seen that behind your sister's disapproval of your lifestyle is jealousy because you have the freedom she doesn't have.  What if all these powerful women are seeing something similar in you, and not actually disapproving of you, but hiding their own inadequacies?

For many years, people have told me I am frivolous (like it's a bad thing!), a wierdo (belly dancing apparently is not a socially acceptable form of exercise  ) and I 'should' settle down buy a house and get married.  For the first time, this year (my 33rd of 104) I have taken no notice...because I no longer agree with them.  On the surface, I never agreed, but deep within me was some strange fear they were right...and I was wrong.  Now I'm quite happy to say I am utterly frivoulous, a happy wierdo (normal, ugh!) and I'll get the house and the gorgeous guy when I've finished doing what I'm doing now.  Or not.

Does this tale of self-acceptance ring any bells for you?

Love

Donna.x

[realmagic]

Hi Donstar.
[For the first time, this year (my 33rd of 104)]
Why stop at 104 when 130 is possible If I were you I wouldn't stop belly dancing until you were 129

KR,
Mike.

[Donstar]

Hi Mike!

I like your thinking...and at the moment 104 feels like a good number.  When I've met some other people who also plan to live a long time, I may change it (or if I meet a hot 70 year old bloke when I'm 100!).  At the moment none of my friends plan to be around with me...selfish I call it!

Anyway, if I'm still dancin at 129, I'll come and dance at your birthday party!!

Love

Donna.x

[AnneW]

Hi Ginger
Let me say first of all, that I've been on both sides of the fence...with the same sister. We've had a rather uneasy relationship over the years..but over the last year that has improved when I made the conscious decision to ACCEPT her and the RELATIONSHIP as it was. To be brutally honest, she's not someone I'd be friends with but I'm a lot more compassionate about her life than I was. I always felt as though she was dismissive of me in lots of ways...that I was never "good enough".
I'm a bit confused though...how could the sister relationship "show up" in your relationships with other women...when her resentment was not something you were aware of? would like to hear more...
Anne