Are there any techniques that can help my sex life? It's mainly in the mind!

[Kayleigh]

Hi!

I'm in a wonderfully loving relationship with my partner and he is very attentive and we have a great time together. The only glitch is I just don't get that turned on or climax when I'm with him. I know it's not physical because I can do so without him so it must be in the mind, right? So I thought one of the best places to ask would be here!

Any help or stories of similar experiences would be gratefully received.

Thanks!

Kristen

[lilas16]

Have you ever looked into Tantric sex? It's more than just positions. Part of it is just developing a deep connection with your partner, and building arousal.

Another thought is to get yourself started ahead of time, and then transfer those feelings and excitement to activity with your partner.

Or maybe add in whatever ways you pleasure yourself to what you do with your partner.

I had a similar experience with my ex-husband. It was easier if we took turns climaxing. A friend of mine says that the adage, "ladies first" applies with her partner. =)

Also woman on top positions are easier for you to control the movement, too.

Hope this helps!

Eileen

[Kayleigh]

Hi Eileen

Thanks for the reply!

I've tried most of those things but have not looked in to tantric. Will do a bit of research!

Thanks again 

[martinh]

Hi Kristen,

With my NLP head on "What do you do instead of getting turned on, when you're with him?", and have there been times with other partners when it's gone just as you'd like it to?

What differences do you notice between the two experiences?

And I'm not asking for content here of course, just process!

All the best,

Martin.

[marksherwood]

Damm You martin !!!

I want content !!!!!!!

 

Cheers

Mark

[martinh]

Duly applauded!

You don't want mine, I can assure you....

Cheers,

Martin.

[Kayleigh]

Oh the attitudes around subjects to do with sex! Thanks Martin. I'll investigate my thoughts and get back to you with generalisations. Not specifics Mark!

[Diva Eve]

HI Kristen,
time for a lady to intervene here...I know the feeling, been there, done it. always working on it- it takes a lot of wood to keep the fire burning.
The thing about loving relationship is, it's wonderful yet sex needs stimulation and a certain distance to create the friction you  need, and I am talking mental here.
there is a reason for "bad guys" being often very attractive to women and the nice guys being the friend. And that is that sex has to do with streching our mind and getting what we don't think we can have, fighting for it, there is an element of play and not knowing that creates excitement. think about what creates excitement generally in your life. is it the things you know or don't know?
So when you know the principle behind excitement, I recommend translating them to your sex life... yes, you know your partner I am sure, but as we never step in the same river twice, isn't it time you found out more about him? do you know his phantasies? Does he know yours???
I am talking dirty ones, not just the haystack and princess at the ball type stuff. sharing fantasies is powerful, making stories that place you in them is rather delightful- remembering that a phantasy is not necessarily what you would want in real life!! a lot of good fantasies better stay in the mind. But sharing secrets is very intimate.
Also how masculine and dominant would you like him to be behind closed doors and does he know that? does he know how?
If he needs to learn more- and I am sure everyone can, maybe a peak into good material would be useful. I recommend speaking to Thomas at the dating school, who has studied techniques and how to build attraction for 10 years. I am sure this could be very useful in a longterm relationship. www.thedatingschool.co.uk
even if it's not about dating. Thomas knows what he's on about. He is my boyfriend.
lucky me.
Does that help at all?

[Kayleigh]

Lucky you Eve and you are really hitting the mark with your comments! I try to get him to talk about fantasies but he's not interested. He says he just likes things how they are which is lovely but talking about it is a big part of it for me. I think he finds it really uncomfortable though!

[Diva Eve]

It is important to understand that fantasies are not about escapism, not about wanting things different than they are- it?s great to be happy where you are and that?s what coaching is all about as well, learning to be good where you are and moving from there.
The most important thing in a relationship is to relate. And this sounds like you guys need a little more relating.
Not interested doesn?t really exist, does it? Are you important-yes or no, and if yes  your desires are important, too- at least being open to them. I wish he is one of the clever men who realize that before loosing what is most dear to them.
Does he have any idea how much pleasure you could potentially give him? Women are the key to a man?s pleasure and the more they feel, the more he can access a world otherwise closed?women are divine. And the goodies are hidden deep inside- time to unlock!
I suggest you step into your own power and seduce him into wanting what is best for you both.
