Is this procrastination or me just not wanting to?

[acvukas]

Greetings all!

I'm new to Michael Neill's work and Genius Catalyst. (Love your radio show on HayHouseRadio, Michael!)

Here is a behavior that I find myself playing out and wonder if anyone has any ideas on a way for me to shift this.

I started a network marketing home based business in April - I started out gangbusters and have had some success. But what I find is that I am NOT giving it all I can - there is something inside of me that is holding back. I find that I procrastinate, put things off, even make excuses from doing activities that are necessary for my success.

For example, I will set a goal with my mentor and- then not do what I know I need to do in order to reach the target. No surprise that I don't reach my goal.

Thinking that my lack of activity (primarily a lack of prospecting and follow up) was based on a fear of rejection - I've asked myself "If I wasn't afraid, what would I be doing?" Well...I would make X number of calls to set X number of presentations, only to find myself making some excuse why I need to do that TOMORROW! I figure I might be some type of masochist/sadist since I then beat myself up later and get angry at not doing what I know I should do - committing to doing it again tomorrow and then the whole thing....rinse and repeat.

I know that I have the potential and ability to shine in this area. I see others who don't get up on whatever it is that I'm stuck on and realizing the success that I want.

Any ideas?

Alan

[Jen Waller]

Welcome to the boards Alan, 

Thinking that my lack of activity (primarily a lack of prospecting and follow up) was based on a fear of rejection - I've asked myself "If I wasn't afraid, what would I be doing?" Well...I would make X number of calls to set X number of presentations, only to find myself making some excuse why I need to do that TOMORROW! I figure I might be some type of masochist/sadist since I then beat myself up later and get angry at not doing what I know I should do - committing to doing it again tomorrow and then the whole thing....rinse and repeat.

Ok so I get the feeling that you know that masochist/sadist or not that this particular method isn't working. 

Can I first check my understanding? - I know from your question what you don't want to feel I'm just not sure what it is that you want to feel instead, I was just wondering what comes up for you if you ask " If I truly felt x, what would I be doing?" (where x is whatever feeling you want to feel instead)

I'm also curious to know, just for fun, what other ways do you think could work? What would be even easier than that? (remember to include the really mad ideas as well, you don't have to act on them but some people find that it really makes them smile and feel very different about their whole situation )

Hope this helps

Jen

[acvukas]

Thanks for your reply, Jen.

Can I first check my understanding? - I know from your question what you don't want to feel I'm just not sure what it is that you want to feel instead, I was just wondering what comes up for you if you ask " If I truly felt x, what would I be doing?" (where x is whatever feeling you want to feel instead)

I'm also curious to know, just for fun, what other ways do you think could work? What would be even easier than that? (remember to include the really mad ideas as well, you don't have to act on them but some people find that it really makes them smile and feel very different about their whole situation )

This morning while getting ready for my day I was asking myself what is it that I want to feel but kept getting caught in the blame game.

Here is what I want:

I have been involved in some type of network marketing off and on since I was 16 years old. Let's just say that it's been quite a few years. I have had some success, I know that I could have so much more if I wasn't sabtoging myself. When I was 16 - I had absolute belief and confidence. I did whatever I was coached to do as the next step in my business without doubting my ability to do it - and without fear that I would fail at it. I would just do it.

Where I am at today, I feel that I am standing on the edge of a diving board and I want to jump in  but I stop. What I want to feel is the freedom to jump in - believe in myself, my opportunity, my ability to get the job done. I have asked myself - do I really believe that I can help make a difference in other's lives with my business and the answer is a guarded yes...Yes - that there are people who benefit but guarded in my ability to pull it off. I want to not give a heck with what other people feel or think about me or what I'm doing. I want to have fun and enjoy the process and all the steps - I want to play and rise up to any goal and challenge in my business with the expectency of success based on my confidence in my ability to do it. If you ever threw a stick for a dog - how the dog is thrilled at the entire game and has not doubt in his ability to retrieve the stick - he's having a blast. That is what I want to feel. Does that make sense?

Now, if I felt that - I wouldn't be posting this message - I would instead being resigning from my day job knowing that I can absolutely do the thing that is front of me - free of self doubt. I would be calling my prospects without fear of them rejecting me - I would be following up - the phone would be my lover - I already see everyone around me as a potential client, the difference would be if I felt the way that I do - I would approach them and offer them a chance to experience the difference I can offer them.

I hope this sheds some light....

How do I shed the self-doubt? Maybe that is the issue.

I appreciate any input.


Alan

[peter108]

Hi Allan

so if your sure on the self sabotage thing, then I would guess there is some secondary gain to come from it?
What might that be? That might tell you where to go next to get on top of this thing.
The second question I would ask is what's the worst thing that could happen If I did go for this dream? And then ask what's the worst thing that could happen If I don't do it?
Balance the answers that come from your enquiry and see what comes up.


Best wishes
Peter

[Elese]

Peter's point is a good one. Michael was talking shadow beliefs this week, the ones about what we can't accept in ourselves.  Yesterday I started exploring an event from my past where I concluded 'I just can't be creative'.  I was really young and I don't even remember how I came to believe this exactly.  I can't remember an 'event' but I thought I would have look in and  see where this one leads.  I too often stop myself at doodling or drawing and I think it's very much because of this commitment I made, this belief about who I am made long ago.  Even though outwardly I consider myself very creative - go figure!  Maybe you'll find sometime in your life when you decided you couldn't or wouldn't be successful because of what it would mean about you.

You've begun just by writing it down. So congratulations.  You are already under sail - even if it doesn't feel like it.   

I notice you have a lot of 'shoulds' - which reminds me of my own lists of 'must dos'. Oh, yeah, otherwise known as the TO DO LIST *shudder*  Every day it reminded me how I failed to keep my promises to myself.  Not filing my papers, not openning mail...blah,blah...I'd say,  I must do that. I will do that. Then I didn't.  I wanted to stop this because I had this moment when I realised I couldn't be a person of integrity in my own mind if I didn't keep my own promises and because, well, just feels awful to be failing every day! I announced I was done with To Do's.  My boyfriend echoed my fear that I'd forget something. But I knew I had to stick, it was important to me when I realised it was part of my own integrity. So I started by just saying I would promise to do ONLY what I knew I would do. I said it purposefully to myself or outloud.  Then did it. No one knew but me. But boy did I know! I tried writing success at the end of the day.  Hooray, I did this. Great.  I just did one thing to start, not a bunch.  One thing I knew I would do.  That worked for me. That's about 6 months ago, and I still have my list but it is not a 'should do and wrong if you don't' list.  More like, an 'idea' list. And I got tons more done, and all the horrible bills too.  Hope you find your way

Elese

[Inspired]

Great advice Elese. It reminds me of Stuart Wildes 'Inifinite Self' Program when he talks about establishing your word as law so that you can control your 'ego'. If you can do that, then you can gradually extend your word to really great things and just KNOW that you are going to see them through. ( I'm still working on it myself, but I know it will come in time  )

[Inspired]

Btw Alan,

Been there, doing that! Will let you know if I make any breakthroughs myself.

Namaste

[acvukas]

Thanks all for your advice...

My original post had helped deflate some of the anxiety I was experiencing about not knowing what to do (you were right Elese!)...

I've been continuing to ask myself the questions and working on this. I have found one practical thing that has made a difference - I have been scheduling my "To Do" lists for one. I'm finding that if I actually set a time on my calender for something that I need to do - for example if I need to return call to Bob...rather than just a note to self to call Bob it is a scheduled item. It is helping me quite a bit.

Peace,

Alan